An Angel’s Birthday

Today is the birthday of a very special little boy.  One year ago, Kellen Lucas Sharpe entered this world weighing only 2 pounds, .5 ounces.  The precious little angel was 12 weeks premature, but he was a tough little fighter.  His family endured ten daunting weeks filled with worry and emotional ups and downs, as Kellen fought to survive in the NICU.  Friends and relatives from all over joined the family in prayer for Kellen as we followed his progress through daily Facebook updates.  Prayers were answered and after 71 days in the NICU, Kellen was healthy and strong enough to join his mother, father and two sisters at home.   His family was finally complete and their hearts were filled with joy.

And then one Saturday morning eight and one-half months later, their hearts were shattered and their lives were forever changed in an instant.  Their happy and healthy baby boy had passed away from SIDS in his sleep.

I can only begin to imagine the pain, the sorrow, and heartbreak that his parents feel.  Every time I try to imagine what it would be like to lose a child, I feel as if I’m being crushed under the weight of my own sadness.  But I know that it is nothing compared to what Kellen’s parents feel.  My heart aches for his family knowing that their pain is much worse than anything I can imagine.  It’s sad to hear about a parent losing a child.  It’s quite a bit different when that parent is someone you care about.

Kellen’s mom is my friend Kristen.  She is part of my military family.  Just like most family members, I didn’t choose her.  She was chosen for me.  We were destined to become a part of each other’s lives.  Our daughters met at the beginning of 4th grade when both of our families had moved to California.  Megan and Alexis instantly bonded and became best friends.  Sisters.  We all adored Alexis too and she quickly became part of our family.  So it was only natural that Alexis’s parents would become family to us as well.  The girls chose each other and in turn chose Kristen for me.  Our families spent only 18 months together in California, but by then we were connected as family forever.

So when we heard of Kellen’s passing, we were devastated.  We wanted to attend the funeral to support them.  Obstacles kept arising that made me question whether or not we would be able to make the 15 hour drive to be there.   But the universe has a way of making things happen.  Not only did we want to go, we were destined to go.  It was an experience I will never forget.

Attending Kellen’s funeral was the most gut-wrenching and heart-breaking thing I have every experienced.  I felt helpless as I witnessed a mother, my friend, grieve over the loss of her baby.  I was helpless watching on as she experienced unbearable pain.  Pain that no parent should ever have to experience.  Her tears brought out my own tears.  My heart broke into pieces as I stood back and watched while she bent over Kellen’s tiny casket to tell him goodbye.    I imagined what she must have felt at the time and knew that it couldn’t even compare to her reality.  I prayed to be able to take a little of that pain away for her, but knew I could not.  All I could do was hug her, hold her hand, and be there for her.  All I could do was stand next to her and join those surrounding her with love and support during the worst time of her life.  Being there was the only gift I had to offer.

As sad as it was, I feel so blessed that I was able to be there for Kellen’s funeral.   I am thankful that I was able to give her a hug and hold her hand even if for only a short time.   I am also thankful that Megan was able to be there to support her friend.  I hoped that our being their could somehow help comfort the family, but I had no idea that it would be a blessing for me personally as well.  I had never even had the opportunity to meet Kellen.  I never held him in my arms or heard his sweet little giggle in person.  But Kellen’s passing broke my heart.  Being connected to Kellen has changed my life.  He has made me a better person.  And so has his mom.

Until Kellen’s funeral, I really could not fathom what it meant to be a grieving parent.  Kristen has changed that.  She has shown tremendous strength by sharing her journey with her friends and family.  She has opened herself up and given us insight into her darkest times.  By doing so, she has allowed us the opportunity to support her.  I still don’t really know what it is like to lose a child, but I have a much better understanding.  I have learned that the pain never goes away, you merely learn to cope with it.    I learned how important it is to make the effort to reach out to someone and support them in a time of need.  A grieving parent will need love and support for days, months and even years after losing their child.  They also need to know that the baby they miss so terribly will not be forgotten.  While my life continues on as normal, every day that Kristen isn’t able to hold Kellen is a day of mourning.   Every day is a day to remember.  And I will remember with her.

Kristen’s strength and and faith through this time of her life is an inspiration.  Her faith in God has kept her breathing and given her the strength to move forward.  She is not angry or bitter.  As much as her heart aches, she trusts in God’s plan for Kellen and for her.  She misses him every moment of every day, but she is grateful for the short time she had with him.  There are still tears and sadness, but there is also hope.  She looks ahead to when she will be reunited with Kellen for eternity.  Her trust and faith in God in her darkest time is unwavering and awe inspiring.  It’s compelling.  I had never seen anything like it before.  And I am truly blessed that I was able to bear witness to it.

Kellen’s short time with his family is a reminder that life is unpredictable.  It can be sad, painful, and unfair.  Bad things happen to good people and for reasons we can’t understand.  But life is also miraculous, beautiful, and inspiring and it should not be taken for granted.  There is no way to know what lies ahead for each of us.   There is no guarantee how long we have on this earth together or that the goodnight kiss I give tonight won’t be my last.  So I think of Kellen and I am reminded to appreciate every moment, even the ones that are hard to appreciate.  Even in my toughest, most frustrating times, I know it could be so much worse.

Kellen has also shown me how much I am connected to those around me.  I am connected to people I have never met because of a shared love.  Hundreds of people “adopted” Kellen as we followed his progress and prayed for him in the NICU.  We mourned his passing together as we rallied around his family to support them.  Our love of them brought us together and we are forever connected because of it.

And I realize now that there are people all around me ever day that are hurting in some way.  They need love and support and kind words and smiles to help them through their day.  They don’t wear a name tag that says “Hi, I am sad” so it isn’t always easy to see.  We need to open our eyes to look for it and open our hearts when we find it.  But we should also err on the side of kindness for everyone in case we miss it.  Compassion isn’t only feeling empathy for someone.  It’s putting the feelings and needs of someone else ahead of your own.  Compassion requires action.  It compels you to do something for someone else.  Even if only to send a quick text to let someone know that you are thinking about them.

My heart is in Hawaii today with Kellen’s family as they celebrate and remember him on his first birthday.  It’s not the birthday party they had hoped for, but it is just as special.  They are celebrating his life, his smile, his love, and the joy he brought to their lives.  They are celebrating and appreciating the short time they had together and thinking ahead to the time when their faith will reunite them as a family.  Kellen has touched my life in ways I never could have thought possible.  He has made me a better person.  And for that I will always be grateful.  Happy birthday in Heaven Kellen!

In loving memory of Kellen Lucas Sharpe
September 8, 2011 – May 26, 2012

For more information on SIDS or how to help, please visit the American SIDS Institute at www.sids.org.

Back-to-School Random Acts of Kindness

It’s back-to-school time!  What a perfect opportunity to perform a few Random Acts of Kindness!  In honor of teachers, schools & students, I celebrated the start of the new school year by completing the following acts of kindness..

1.  Goodies for teachers.  I don’t think anyone works harder than a teacher.  They spend their days in a a small room with 25-30 kids, all with different skills, abilities and behaviors.  They protect them, nurture them, and fill their heads with knowledge.  The work they do impacts our children’s future success.  It’s tough work.  Their work days don’t end when the bell rings and our kids get on the bus.  They still have tests to grade, lesson plans to prepare, and notes from parents to answer.  They must do it because they love it, because they sure aren’t paid what they deserve.  One hour trying to get one kid to finish his homework is enough to send me off to raid the liquor cabinet for some “mommy juice”.  Twenty five kids?  I can’t even imagine…

So my kids’ six teachers were the first beneficiary of my RAOK.  I gathered goodies and put them in little buckets to deliver on the first day of school.  We went in after the school day had ended and left the buckets in classrooms and hung them on the doorknobs.  Most of the teachers were there so I got to enjoy a game of “ding dong ditch”.  Super fun!  Two of the teachers saw me in action, but I’m pretty confident they didn’t recognize me.  Especially since I was so lightning fast.  (I had the kids in tow, so that last comment is a bit of a stretch.)  If you look at the photo, you should see the Tic-Tacs in the bucket.  The three year-old noticed them right away.  I caught him chomping away on a mouthful on the way to the school.  It turns out that he actually does have lightning speed and ninja stealth when it comes to pilfering candy.  Thank goodness I had extras.

2.  Goody bags for the new kids in the neighborhood.  We had a family move in across the street a week before school started.  Of course they were a little anxious about moving to a new place and going to a new school.  I wanted to do something for them to brighten their morning and hopefully distract them a tad from being nervous.  We made up goody bags for each of the kids and left them on the porch for them to find in the morning before getting on the school bus.  Surprise!  It turns out that my new neighbors have super-sleuth detective skills.  I received a text a few hours later thanking me for the goody bags.  I can’t believe my cover was blown so early in our relationship.

3.  Donate school supplies.  I am blessed to have enough money to buy school supplies for my kids.  I am also very blessed to have wonderful, kind friends who do inspiring acts of kindness and give me great ideas.  A few weeks ago, my friend Mandy took her son back-to-school shopping and also purchased a backpack full of school supplies for a foster child.  I knew I had to do something similar since we have foster children and other kids in need here where we live.  Don’t we all?  I purchased a variety of school supplies and took them into the guidance office at the middle school.  I knew that the guidance counselors would be able to distribute them to the kids who really need them.  They were very surprised and super excited when we dropped of the supplies.  I could tell instantly that the supplies wouldn’t go to waste at all.  You could almost hear them thinking in their heads who they should give them to.  This is definitely a Random Act of Kindness that will be a back-to-school tradition for our family.

4.  Donate Box Tops.  If you have school age kids, you probably already collect box tops.  I find myself rescuing them from the recycling bin when someone has committed the no-no of throwing one away.  If you are not familiar with them, some brands such as Pillsbury, Ziploc, Betty Crocker and Cheerios (to name a few) have little coupons on the packaging worth cash to schools.  Each Box Top is worth ten cents.  It doesn’t seem like much, but they really do add up fast when everyone collects them.  My son’s school raised over $3,500 s last year.  I have been collecting all summer so I dropped off our stash while we were at the school.  You don’t even have to have school aged kids to collect Box Tops.  Most schools collect them and it’s fairly easy to find a school-aged kid nearby willing to take them off your hands on a regular basis.

5.  Donate Coke Rewards.  The lids on Coke products have a code on the inside that can be redeemed for prizes or rewards.  Our local elementary school collects them so I have been saving those as well all summer.  Since I no longer have a student at the elementary school, I gave mine to a neighbor who does.

6.  Purchase from fundraisers.  The kids were barely back in school five minutes and had already started fundraising.  I purchased a coupon card for local restaurants to support the high school field hockey team.  I also bought wrapping paper from the kids who came to my door selling items for the elementary school fundraiser. It’s a bit expensive, but it will save me a trip to Target.  And let’s be honest, a roll of wrapping paper at Target would normally cost me $100 in other stuff that I don’t need.  As for that coupon card, the boys will get a lot of use out of it.  It will be a great excuse for them to stop for a snack at Subway after football practice. 

7.  Treats for the kids.  I couldn’t forget my own kids on their first day of school!  Especially since it was also Josh’s first day of middle school.  I hid little treats in their lunch boxes and backpacks for them to find during the day.  I wrote a little note wishing them a great day and tucked it in with one of the goodies.

8.  Bake Treats.  I will be busy baking cupcakes for the teachers’ lounge soon.  Back to School Night is fast approaching and it seems like a good day to leave something yummy for the teachers.  I’ll sugar them up before they have to deal with all of us parents asking obnoxious questions and telling them how wonderful our kids are.

9.  Pay for a field trip.  I also plan to “sponsor” a child when there are school field trips this year.  Parents here usually have to pay a few dollars to help cover the cost of a field trip and some are unable to.  It breaks my heart to think that some kids might miss an opportunity to go on a field trip because of three or four dollars.  So every time there is a field trip, I will send in a few extra dollars to cover another child’s field trip expense.

Happy back to school time!  Hopefully these little acts of kindness will make the start of school a little happier for a few people.  If you have any great RAOK ideas or stories to share, I would love to hear them!

-K